I swear, this review was written either as a joke, or by some Rap listening, Blink 182/Sum 41/Simple Plan (as if there's a difference between them) crazed, no musical sense white man who wishes he was black (nothing racist intended here). Or maybe some goth with his Marilyn Manson, black leather, and ability to bitch at just about everything in life. Well, here it is, #10 being bad, #1 being the worst...


#10 - Pink Floyd

Pink Floyd has been around for something like twenty years, though I doubt they'd remember twenty seconds of it, since they spent the majority of the time whacked out of their skulls on drugs. Unfortunately, it showed big time in the "music" they released, mostly involving painfully long instrumentals that have the sucktacular power to even make Katie Couric stop smiling and say "this is ****ing shit." The only thing worse than their music is their personal hygiene and their album artwork...oh yeah, and their half-baked fans.


#9 - Guns 'n' Roses

Hey, did you know this is the year that they're getting back together and releasing a new album? Or was that last year? Or was that the year before? Oh, that's right, it's been every year since they released their last album, which was called We Suck Ass or something like that. They're not really that bad a band so much as the fact that they just have the dumbest fans anywhere in the world. They had one good album, yet their fans treat them like legends of rock. Sorry guys, they aren't. Not even close. I almost feel bad putting them here because it gives them some recognition.


#8 - Limp Bizkit

Though you could conceivably put any of these new rap/rock losers here, Limp Bizkit deserves special attention because they're not only extraordinarily horrendous, but at the same time, completely and thoroughly retched. They've succumbed to the "let's wear make up since our talent cant get us noticed" phase, and of course, they kiss up to MTV night and day, appearing on Total Request Live alongside the Backstreet Boys but pretend to be tough. Yeah, I'm buying that. Keep praying there, Durst, maybe you'll get some talent.


#7 - John Cougar

Yeah, that's right, it says "Cougar." I don't give a ****ing rat's ass what that pinhead is calling himself these days, his name is "Cougar" and always will be. Aside from being the ugliest human being alive (except of course for his fans), Cougar is the biggest rip-off artist in the music industry since Sean "Thiefy" Combs! "Hurts So Good?" No, it's called "Escape" by Journey. "Small Town?" I liked it better when it was "Do Ya" by E.L.O. "R-O-C-K in the USA?" I thought the Romantics called it "What I Like About You!" "I Need a Lover?" Meat Loaf's version, "Bat Out of Hell," was better! And the list goes on and on and on...


#6 - Led Zeppelin

You'd be hard pressed to find a band worse than Led Zeppelin (though we somehow found five). It never ceases to amaze me how a band could be around for so long, release so many albums (98% of which are boxed sets), and have so many fans without ever once releasing anything even remotely listenable. I do believe we'll find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop before we can solve that riddle.


#5 - Kiss

Pay attention: Kiss was never cool. They'll never be cool. You know what else they'll never be? Talented. Kiss was the first band to put together the puzzle and say "Hey, we can cover up the fact that we are as talented musically as your average drove of mongooses by dressing up and wearing make-up!" Wait a second now, I think I'm on to something here: they wore make-up, had silly nicknames, put more emphasis on fashion and big boots than music...they were the original Spice Girls!


#4 - Jimi Hendrix

Here's a tough debate: which was worse, Hendrix's playing or his singing? I mean, on one hand, his singing sounded like a water buffalo giving off it's mating call while simultaneously yelping in pain from being lit on fire, while his playing sounds similar to a dull chainsaw going through an anvil, only less musical. I guess we have to file this mystery under "Unsolved" and call Robert Stack, because there's no way to ever measure which is worse, they're both that shitty. Anyway, the only good thing this loser did was die. It's truly a pity he couldn't have done that before entering the music field, thus saving everyone's ears from the torturous sound he produced.


#3 - Bob Dylan

Oh yes, Bob Dylan, the all-time worst singer, musician, and songwriter to ever desecrate the music industry. Quite honestly, I think a long turn on the rack would be better than ever listening to "Like a Rolling Stone" or "Blowin' in the Wind." And you know you are the worst performer in history when William Shatner does a better version of "Mr. Tambourine Man" than you. And this goes double for his wannabe clone, Tom Petty, who's twice as bad because he's trying to be like this blood-curdling hack.


#2 - The Beatles

The Beatles are horrible on many different levels. First of all, they are way overrated. Geniuses? Oh, I don't think so. Second, they paved the way for the marriage between music and drugs which to this day has ruined rock 'n' roll. And of course, there's the music. What the hell is going on there? I'll give them "Let it Be" and "Penny Lane," but what else is any good? Of course, everyone knows the answer is absolutely nothing. The best thing they ever did as a band was break up. The best thing any member did on his own was get killed.

And now, drumroll please...


#1 - The Doors

The Doors are so awful and pathetic that they are easily the worst band ever in the history of anything, hands down, no contest. Someone gutting a squirrel would be more pleasurable to listen to and easier on the ears than this group of no-talent, drunken losers. Jim Morrison a lyrical poet? Hardly. I know an inebriated bum who spouts off meaningless drivel on the corner, does that make him a genius too? Not even close. The best, and only good thing that douchebag Jim Morrison did was drop dead.



This is the most bullshit list I've ever read. It tops even the top 100 guitarists from the Rolling Stones magazine. Unless of course it's all a big joke...

Sure, some bands belong there, like Limp Bizkit...but most of those bands (Zeppelin, Beatles, PINK FLOYD, Jimi Hendrix, etc) would almost always show up on a top 20 bands list.

The site I found this was at http://www.nothing-sacred.net/articles/033/ in case you want to take a look.