I will never watch The Simpsons again

Saw an episode last night that had me rolling around with laughter, tears of mirth streaming from the oculars: the imprisoned Sideshow Bob is released into his brother Cecil's custody to manage the building of the Springfield dam.

Of course, Cecil is the new naughty Terwilliger and traps Bob, Bart and Lisa inside the dam before blowing it up.

Lisa: "Oh, it's hopeless, utterly, utterly hopeless."
Bob: "Oh, I see. When it's one of my evil schemes, you can't foil it fast enough, but when Cecil tries to kill you, it's [imitating her] 'hopeless, utterly, utterly hopeless.' "

The look on Lisa's face is priceless.

__________________
Count me in on the journey, don't expect me to stay.

haha, good quotes, just what the thread needs

Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit

Santa's Little Helper goes off running with George Bush, leaving Homer all alone]
Homer: I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush.
Homer's Brain: There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.
Homer: D'oh.

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning

Homer: [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.'

Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.

Homer: You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life with an electrified fooling machine!

Homer: Look everyone! Now that I'm a teacher I've sewn patches on my elbows.
Marge: Homer that's supposed to be leather patches on a tweed jacket, not the other way around. You've ruined a perfectly good jacket.
Homer: Incorrect, Marge. Two perfectly good jackets!

__________________
Interviewer: "So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?"
Frank Zappa: "You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?"

ralph

Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): I...M...P
Nelson: Bart is pee!
Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants!

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible

Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.
Bart: Right, the leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things.

Ralph:"Then, the doctor told me that BOTH my eyes were lazy! And that's why it was the best summer ever."

__________________
Interviewer: "So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?"
Frank Zappa: "You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?"

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

Grandpa: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.
P.S. I am not a crackpot.

Chief Wiggum: Ooh, and here, out of the mists of history, the legendary esquilax, a horse with the head of a rabbit and the body of a rabbit.

Wife Brandine: Now Cletus, why did ya haf to park next to my parents?
Cletus: Now, Now, Hun, they're my parents too...

Principal Skinner: Order, order. Do you kids wanna be like the real UN or do you just wanna squabble and waste time?

Principal Skinner: That's two independent thought alarms in one day. Willie, the children are over-stimulated. Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.

__________________
Interviewer: "So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?"
Frank Zappa: "You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?"