Gmt

Dear Snot-Nose,

Listen you little bugger, I know it was you that did Ritter in. I thought your creepy 'niece' might appreciate some photos of a baboon, and for your information I don't even have a pool. I don't know why you did Ritter, but I swear I'm going to make you pay, even if I have to feed you to my dogs (which I do have). Just for fun, here's another photo of Ginger. Yeah, there, you see what happened to her? That's because she got out of line. You're next, Usphot.

Yours,

Gerald The Mouse
Chairman, GTM inc.

Dear Sir,
You don't frighten me, I've been trained in unarmed combat by the best of them. Deaths-head fanatics the lot of them. The trouble with you celebrity chappies is that you're all highly strung. I suggest taking up a hobby, possibly drinking? Might I suggest Brasso? I suggest you look within your own ranks, before accusing a soldier who has served this fine country on many occasions. I was once wounded in the buttock by rat which sank its teeth into me whilst sleeping in the trenches. I didn't have the heart to kill the little blighter, but I twisted its legs something rotten.

yours faithfully


Col. Upshott Baggley (retired) VC;DSO

Dear Arse-face,

Look behind you.

Yours,

Gerald The Mouse
Chairman, GTM inc.

Dear Sir,
I do not see anyone!

yours faithfully


Col. Upshott Baggley (retired) VC; DSO

Who said satire was dead.

Dear Poo-breath,

Please direct all further correspondance to my long-time friend, Dr Cheese. He is very old.

Yours,

Gerald The Mouse
Chairman, GTM inc.

Dear Dr Cheese,

I understand that you are now responsible for any correspondence relating to that chappie Gerbil the Mouse? I have entered his name in a Readers Digest prize draw. Lets see how he likes that!


yours faithfully


Col. Upshott Baggley (retired) VC; DSO