In Search Of The Peace Of Mind (Poems by Simon)

I've been pushed down so many times
I feel this time will be the last

As I lie here fading,
my thoughts are invaded by memories of my past
I feel the pressures of shame and rejection building,
as I lie here on the floor

I have no strength to get up, I'm not worth it any more
This time, it will be my last...


Some of the most darkest hours in my life inspired this poem... hope you guys like it.

__________________

Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

For you,
I would gladly walk a mile,
if that would give me a chance
to see you smile.

I'd call you my friend,
but that's a lie.
You mean more to me,
but I can't explain why.

For you are more precious to me
than all of the world's gold,
but I can't tell you that,
how can I be that bold?

If I spoke what's on my mind,
would you accept me?
Because without you,
I don't know where I'd be.

You seem to be calm,
while I feel absolutely lost.
I would like to be so bold,
but what would its failure cost?

Am I the only one faced with this choice?
Be daring and risk losing you as a friend too?
I can't risk that;
I'd rather have that then lose everything.
O! What should I do?

What should one do indeed. This one is dedicated to my best friend... if only it would work out...

__________________

Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

There are melodies
I can't play for you,
There are songs
I can't sing for you.

Always,
I want to be with you,
To touch and feel,
your heart.

But between us
There is this line
That I just cannot cross

Anybody ever fall in love with someone you know it would never work out?

__________________

Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

I was only eight when it began
Late at night, when I was alone.
You preyed on my innocence and my trust.
How did I know that it was wrong?


You did things so horrible to me,
My soul and body were bared.
What you did to that little girl
Left me feeling alone and scared.


You said it was to show your love
By taking my body for your use.
But now I know that what happened to me
Wasn't love; it was abuse.


All the dirty things you did to me
Won't wash away with rain.
Nothing on earth will rid my heart
Of this neverending pain.


I hope that you hurt as much as I do,
Or do you even remember what you did?
Nothing will make up for the pain you caused
When I was just a kid.


The physical scars you put on my body
Have since healed with time.
But my pain still shows on the outside
Whenever the child inside of me starts to cry.


That little eight year old girl
Had to grow up way too soon.
And all of the hurt and pain that you have caused
Will always be remembered, like a flower that forever blooms.


If you don't cry, vomit or feel like smashing something in anger after you read this poem... you must have ice-water in your veins and a stone for a heart.

I wrote this down when I began knowing my friend better. Her father used to abuse her sexually and she didn't know it was wrong. I saw this post about child-pornography and it brought my blood to a boil again and I thought I'd post this here.

Oh! Her Dad's in jail by the way... I made sure of that.

__________________

Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

Gazing at the moon
My heart moved to the core.
For once I fell in love
like no other time before.

With kindness and a soothing voice
She patched up every sore
Was it meant to be,
as it's never been before?

Summer, it came with fire
For at that time we met
And as the door opened,
I knew where my heart was set.

Hand in hand we walked,
My faith to her I swore,
as we kissed that first sweet time
We melted to the floor.

As the leaves fell off the trees
Warmth shared through the winter,
of course we had our problems,
flicked off as though a splinter.

And abundance of hurdles came,
With those came the pain.
But after all that we've endured
one fact remains the same.

Seasons spent together,
In fact, we endured four,
the fact remains, I still love her
Forever and ever more.

I pray that she'll come back
I hope I'm in her mind,
So much I want to share,
Don't care if love is blind!

As she drifts away
there's nothing I want more
then to feel her love again,
As I've never felt before.

__________________

Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

That's some powerful stuff. I find it really hard to write about personal experiences, and even when I have, I'd never have the courage to show anyone.
Have you had any published?

'Never forgotten' is an incredible poem. Really it is. I'd be very proud of myself if I could write like that. Especially on such a harsh matter as it is.
'What should I do?' and 'What lies between', I can relate to them.
You have a great talent.

__________________
I can see for myself that the sun is sinking
how I wish you were here to see
tell me now, I am wrong in thinking
that you have forgotten me?

I agree. That really is some powerful stuff. Gut wrenching and real, even. I hope you take that as a compliment.

__________________
'...some hand in hand, some gather together in bands, the bleeding hearts and artists make their stand...'

Aww.. gee thanks guys. Well, 'never forgotten' was based on one of my best friends (who is no more. May her soul rest in peace). I pray that her pain not be visited upon anyone... even the persons I dislike. It is simply too horrible to comprehend.

The other two you mentioned were (and still are) about this girl I really, really like but things prevent me from telling her (not to mention that I'm half-way across the world from her).

I had one of them published. A very short one, I'm trying to find out where I wrote that down so I can post it here. It is really short...

But surely there are some flaws?

__________________

Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

Please tell me
You do not love me

Please tell me
I am nothing to you

Please, Just one word...

So I can try to forget about you.

I don't know if you can even call this a poem. It feels too short for me. But hey!

__________________

Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

I've been caught swimming in her eyes again.
Holding my heart so it doesn't break in her presence.
I've been known to have to steady my breathing at her smile,
as my own returns with red cheeks.

As the subject of my never ending sentences,
she calls upon pauses that should not be there.
As my friend, she shares.
Her heart cannot mention my name.
While my heart can only scream hers.

I've been seen caressing her skin with my gaze.
Memorizing her shape.
I've dreamt of how her lips round her words.
As I replace friendship with love.

My heart hangs heavy when I hear her voice.
My pulse races with her scent.
As she walks past, him on her arm.

Unlike any of the others, she kills me and keeps me alive...

Very irregular me thinks. A product of watching the girl I love dearly and her life...

__________________

Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

By Vanessa


The sky turned gray as I stood on the hill
The smell of violence and the smell of kill
The sound of horror and terrified screaming
It is the only place the sun’s not beaming
A place of swings where no children will play
For I stand by the graveyard to where they most lay
I see drunks lay all over the alley
And the ambulance is down in the valley

Poor children living a life of violence
With horrifying homes filled with silence
Violence and blood splattered on the street
And a child who lay there that has been beat
In fear of their parents I hear children crying
Living in a valley that is somehow dying
I see the blood on the walls in the alley
And the ambulance is down in the valley

The sun won’t shine in a place of horror
The children cry and the parents beat more
Living in a family with a father who's a drunk
And a mother who smokes dope and a lot of junk
The hospital is full of children bruised
And many are still home being abused
I see shadows of death in the alley
And the ambulance is down in the valley

The graveyard is full and there will be many more
If the abused do not stop in this horror
Rain pours down from all the tears
That God sheds for people’s fears
Defenseless children can not play
For in their abusive homes is where they must stay
I see a place of horror and a lonely alley
And the ambulance is down in the valley

I see a cry for help throughout the place
And fear from a child’s terrified face
At nighttime the moon is gray
Like a horror movie I saw one day
A poor child who doesn’t own a toy
Because the parents won’t buy for the little boy
I still see loneliness in that alley
And the ambulance is down in the valley

Careless children, fresh as sin
And some have forgotten how to grin
Children suffer, deliberately burned and bruised
From poor parents who themselves were abused
And violent anger on their mind
Makes them beat on any child they can find
A pool of blood lay in the alley
And the ambulance is down in the valley

The abuse is increasing day by day
The valley full of pain and the sky still gray
A little child in a corner is what I find
And visions of the abuse still haunts her mind
Seventy percent of children are abused every day
The parents get upset and the children pay
Horrified children and a lonely alley
And the ambulance is down in the valley

In the 1960’s abuse was first identified
And since then many a child has died
Blood in the valley and a child in pain
Somehow this world has gone insane
Nobody will help or try to prevent the abuse
No one deserves this; there is no excuse
In the village by the alley
The ambulance is down in the valley

The pain and suffering have gotten out of hand
The poor children can not even stand
Some in wheel chairs and some in a cast
And some just trying to forget about the past
Some do not know how love would feel
Some scarred for life that will never heal
Screaming, yelling, the sight of the alley
And the ambulance is down in the valley

One story that is so sad
Is when a stepmother got so mad
The children could not tie their laces
And fear poured out from their terrified faces
She beat them till the blood ran free
I am just glad this never happened to thee
The children and their visions of the alley
The ambulance is down in the valley

Think of all the problems the world must face
So please stop the abuse in this horrible place
Poor children who may never see
What a wonderful place this could be
What I am trying to say is think of their pain
Do not think of your problems and complain
Unless you have visions of the alley
Because the Ambulance is still down in the valley

Ummm, technically, I know that this is not my poem but I just couldn't resist. This was so moving, so powerful.

__________________

Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

So many posts and hardly any comments...

__________________

Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

My lord...I wish I could write like that...those are so...wow. I mean...damn. Yeah. Speechless.

__________________
My sig is so much sexier than yours.

Simon, I really like your poems. I like 'One Stab'.