can u chech my grammar? :D

[mukkacamilla]

hi, my dear APFFN's family.. for tomorrow i have to do a review of a movie and i choose to brinh The Wall...
I wrote this.. but i'm not sure if it's all right.. can u have a look at it and correct my errors?
Thanks a lot


"The story of THE WALL is simply told with the music of Pink Floyd images and natural effects. There is no conventional dialogue to progress the narrative. The story is about Pink, a Rock and Roll performer, who sits locked in a hotel room, somewhere in Los Angeles. Too many shows, too much dope, too much applause. On the TV, an all too familiar war film flickers on the screen. The movie shuffles the deepest fears and nightmares of Pink’s painful memories. For example the lack of a father died during the Second War, a mother too much possessive made Pink built a wall around his feelings, at the end is called by a court to prove if he’s guilty or innocence, but the judge condamn him, as the song "the trial" says, to tear down the wall and be exposed before his peers.
The movie is based on the double album “The Wall” (1979).

I choose this movie for two reasons, mainly. The first is that I am a big pink Floyd’s fan and I appreciate the movie ‘cause is full of their great songs, but I’m fond of this album because it isn’t like almost all the albums. In this the songs are like the chapters of a book and, in fact, it tells a story and here the idea to produce a movie. I think it’s quuite ridicolous listen to The Wall playing only some tracks, is like reading a book starting from chapter three, continuing reading the seventh and so on..."

[FloydWright]

OK...the first part seems to come from the back of the Wall DVD box, am I correct? Anyway...here's what I would do...

"The story of THE WALL is simply told with the music of Pink Floyd, images, and natural effects. There is no conventional dialogue to progress the narrative. The story is about Pink, a rock-and-roll performer, who sits locked in a hotel room, somewhere in Los Angeles. Too many shows, too much dope, too much applause. On the TV, an all-too-familiar war film flickers on the screen. The movie shuffles the deepest fears and nightmares of Pink’s painful memories: for example, the lack of a father who died during the Second War, an overly-possessive mother who made Pink built a wall around his feelings. At the end, Pink is called by a court to prove if he’s guilty or innocent, but the judge condemns him, as the song "The Trial" says, to tear down the wall and be exposed before his peers.
The movie is based on the double album “The Wall” (1979).

I choose this movie for two reasons, mainly. The first is that I am a big Pink Floyd fan and I appreciate the movie because is full of their great songs, but I’m fond of this album because it isn’t like most of the albums. In The Wall, the songs are like the chapters of a book and, in fact, it tells a story and here the idea to produce a movie. I think it’s quuite ridiculous listen to The Wall playing only some tracks; it is like reading a book starting from chapter three, continuing reading from the seventh and so on..."

Perhaps it would be good if other people tried this as well, or added to my suggestions.

Even though I did make ccorrections, I want you to know that overall, you've done a pretty good job here. Be proud!

[mukkacamilla]

thanks u, FW!
2morra i have to present it orally to the whole class.. i'm a little scared

[stratman]

Nice work mukka!

FW did a nice job editing, too.

I just wanted to give my suggestion on the 2nd paragraph:

"I choose this movie for two reasons, mainly. The first is that I am a big Pink Floyd fan and I appreciate the movie because it is full of their great songs. Secondly, I’m fond of this album because it isn’t like most other albums. In The Wall, the songs are like the chapters of a book and, in fact, it tells a story. From here came the idea to produce it as a movie.
I think it’s quite ridiculous to listen to The Wall playing only some tracks; it is like reading a book starting from chapter three, continuing reading from the seventh and so on..."

Good luck tomorrow! You'll do fine!

Zio Stratti

[mukkacamilla]

i have to say that i waited for your post, zio stratti, before printing!
tomorrow i'll tell you how my presentation was...

Kisses & rock'n roll

[FloydWright]

Cool additions, Strat.

I always get a bit concerned when I'm editing, that I retain as much of the person's original text as possible, so perhaps I was too timid. You did well, in my book.

And, of course, good luck to mukkacamilla!

[mukkacamilla]

thank FW

yawn.. i'm tired... like torin13