What Makes a Good Troll?

Trolling* is a classic part of the internet, and I, for one, wouldn't have it any other way.

Classics, like Publius on alt.atheism or Robert Scott Anderson in the alt.flame group, Riley G in sci.skeptic (my personal favorite), have entertained countless thousands with their truly bizarre behavior and delightful antics, particularly their inability to tell when the game was up and the time had come to just go away.

Alas, with the demise of the newsgroups and the rise of the web, we just don't get that kind of quality anymore; they just seem to drop by, toss off a few quick "eff yous" and go on their sad, pitiful ways.

Since APFFN seems to be attracting it's share of this phenomenon, I thought this might be a good time to discuss just what we're looking for in a troll. After all, if we're going to have them, I think we deserve the very best in personal abuse and schizoid behaviour. Also, prospective trolls could read this thread, gather some pointers, and perhaps audition for us.

Personally, I think that originality is most important - a successful troll needs to get those hooks in deep, then spring their weirdness on the unsuspecting group.

But I'm sure others have their preferences. Any suggestions?



* Try http://www.daltonator.net/fuq/trolls/g2k.html for some info on classic net loons

NOTE TO MODERATORS: Perhaps I should have put this in the Dark Side, but my feelings were very hurt that the last guy to come by couldn't insult me on my high post count, which doesn't increment in that forum; please move this if it's inappropriate here

Hmmm...do we really want to attract your high-powered or industrial-strength, exceptional "trolls"? Wouldn't that make them that much harder to get rid of? In short, are you mad?

Are our current or prospective new moderators equipped to deal with such terrors?

Bring 'em on.

That's exactly what I typed earlier, but I got sidetracked.

Why are you obsessed with being exactly like me?

I'm not lying. If you want to get technical, you're obsessed with being like me because I typed "Bring 'em on" first, in the quick reply box, but didn't submit it because I got sidetracked.

So you're saying I'm psychic, too? Neat!

I knew you were going to say that.

By the way, is there any chance I can get named as the official troll of APFFN?

No.

**** you. Everyone here is a ****ing loser low-life and I'm smarter than everyone.

Hm.

Troll: "I think Roger Waters is spectacularly unattractive. "
Mod: "Please, that subject has been done to death. Please use the search function before starting new threads."
Troll: "You insignificant jerk! My powers are granted to me by the aliens who destroyed the WTC, cause foot odor, and prevent solution to the Kashmir problem, and I'll do whatever I want! Stop making fun of my nationality! You are arrogant!"
Mod: (ala Olive Oyl) "Byron! Sa-a-a-ve me!"

Nope. Don't think so. They'll be just fine.

Really, I don't want to insult anyone by naming candidates for that post, but you are really WAY down the list for bizarre conduct.

Thank you for your interest, and please apply again after you've made a few more enemies

This is quite the peculiar thread. I just cannot make sense of it.

I can have more enemies?