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"Wanting the Things you Can't Have"

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  #1  
Old 08-14-2004, 10:31 AM
Fictitious's Avatar
Princess
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: American Baby
Posts: 1,354
"Wanting the Things you Can't Have"

First poem for me, and certainly nothing for me to be proud of. But, I'm working on it. Just want some comments. I know it's kinda shallow, I didn't put much thought into it, just feelings.

I know I've messed up plenty,
I won't deny my faults.
I'm so alone in this struggle,
I have to clear my thoughts.
My tears have stained my face by now,
It's so simple for everyone to lie and I don't know how.
You can't keep living in denial.

You're amazing and beautiful in so many ways.
But now you hate me more each day.
You loved me and understood me,
But I threw that away.
I'm lying here hoping to see you now.
It's wanting what I can't have.

You deserve so much better,
But I need you the most.
You and I were just so close.
That's so far away and I know I will never
Be able to piece my heart back together.




ahhhhh heartbreak
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  #2  
Old 08-29-2004, 02:07 AM
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Hey, very good (especially for a first attempt)! Flows very well. I like it's purpose too...I can relate to your poem's theme.

As I've heard (don't listen to my poem writing advice...I'm new to writing too) it's better to simply let your emotions flow onto the page, rather than think it out too much. Good job!
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  #3  
Old 08-29-2004, 05:16 PM
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Thanks I wish I could figure out a good tune to go with it though ...
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  #4  
Old 08-30-2004, 06:11 AM
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beautiful
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  #5  
Old 08-30-2004, 07:40 AM
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I really like it, i can relate to it as well.
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  #6  
Old 08-30-2004, 08:30 AM
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i can barely read that because i actually understand it.
wasnt my fault though.
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  #7  
Old 08-30-2004, 05:20 PM
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Princess
 
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Thanks guys I needed the encouragement..
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