sun rising

I have never wriiten a poem that rhymes so maybe i'll make this a song....or maybe a poem that rhymes...


the sun is shining
the sun is shining
the sun is shining bright
the sun is shining
the sun is shining
with life providing light

the moon is glowing
the moon is glowing
illuminating night
the moon is glowing
the moon is glowing
the nocturns birth of sight

my soul is turning
my soul is turning
my soul turning inside out
it's eternal burning
relentless churning
but tarnished with imagined doubt

the doubt it stains
but purity remains
and hope forever is kindled
by joy and kind actions
and the demise of distractions
and the promise that hatred has dwindled

hatred and evil
hatred and evil
Christ, what the ****
is life just a season
passing with no reason
extended by a bit of luck

and is luck a solution
or some poor fools illusion
a disguise that fools us when we're weak
and if we're all deceived
and tricked, tempted and brainwashed to belive
could we ever stop the leak

my thought then is observation
taught by demonstration
of the fools and the wise alike
or perhaps just a daydream
or a bucket of whipped cream
or a nice ride on my bike

it comes down to perception
how it looks, regardless of reception
how it feels just to me
the sun is rising
and i am surmising
that what if i will it
it can be

The second half is good, nice rhythm. But the repetition at the begining is a bit too much. Just my opinion though.

Ditto.

It's pretty good though

I like it sea. Yes i have to agree with the guys, the beginning is a little much. Good job!