A JOKE--And it's just a joke, RELAX!

A man walks in to a psycologist office wrapped in cellophane. The Doc looks up and says, "OK, we don't need to proceed any further, I can already see your nuts".

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I have always been here.
I have always looked out from behind these eyes.

Robby Williams, Elton John and Kylie Minogue went out one evening for a bender in London.

After drinking, and dancing the night away, they all fell out of a nightclub at some ridiculous hour of the morning.

To her dismay, Kylie "fell" a little futher than anyone else, and got her head stuck between some metal fence railings.

Robby, now as toey as a Roman Sandle, lifted Kylie's skirt and dealt her a Waters-ing (hehe...funny Floyd pun).

Laughing and having a great old time, robby turned to Elton and said "chear up matey...it's your go next"!

Elton promptly began crying. "What's wrong?!" Robby queried. Elton stopped blubbering long enough to say "I can't fit my head between the railings".

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Only the very safe,
Can talk about wrong and right.
Of those that are forced to choose,
There's some who will choose to fight.

Sweet.

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Count me in on the journey, don't expect me to stay.

Hahahaha, great jokes.

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Capitalism sucks.

Funny.


OK a bad one, that has probably already been posted, but I am too lazy to read thru them all to find out for sure.


A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his fly. The bartender says to him, "you know you got a sterring wheel in your fly."

The pirate responds, "Arrrgh, I know, its driving me nuts."

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stchrissie is not me.

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Negative infinity man.

Speak for yourself, I'm the most optimistic person I know. Cheer up though man, it's not all that bad

I got these from an email, so some of you may seen these

Idiots
More Evidence That This World Is Full Of Complete Idiots:

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

4. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

5. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

6. Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

7. A convict broke out of jail in Washington DC, then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

8. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

9. When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

10. A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steam roller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

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This is a picture of my best friend showing off.

He's a lot older than me and almost done with puberty,

which is bragable

I didnt really need the evidence...

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Silver horses ran down moonbeams in your dark eyes

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When Bucks Fizz’s tour bus crashed they all survived. When Metallica's bus crashed Cliff Burton died. Why?

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Things do not auger well, my pretties. I have seen it. Observe as the mighty oak quivers in the breeze, as the raven swoops backwards...

My time is coming. Do not mourn my passing. For it is the beginning of my life...

ahh... hehe

nows the time to sit back and watch this thread disintergrate

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Silver horses ran down moonbeams in your dark eyes

THOSE ADVERSE TO BAD LANGUAGE DO NOT READ THIS JOKE. (It doesn't work without the bad language).

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This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive
restaurant in town. 'Where's the pissing, mother****ing manager, you cocksucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.
The waiter is taken-aback and replies,'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as soon as I can'.

The manager comes over and the bloke asks, 'Are you the chicken-****ing manager of this bastard place?'

'Yes sir, I am,' replies the manager, 'but I would prefer it if you
could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private restaurant'. '**** off' replies the bloke 'and where's the ****ing piano?' 'Pardon?' says the manager.

'****ing deaf as well, are we? You ****ing piece of shit, show me your cunting piano.' 'Ah,' replies the manager, 'you must have come about the pianist job' and shows the bloke to the piano. 'Can you play any blues?'

'Of course I ****ing can,' and the bloke proceeds to play the most inspiring and beautiful sounding honky-tonk blues that the manager has ever heard. 'That's superb. What's it called?' 'I tried to shag yer missus on the sofa but the springs kept hurting my dick,' replies the bloke.

The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz. The bloke proceeds, playing the most melancholy jazz solo the manager has ever heard. 'Magnificent,' cries the manager. 'What's it called?'

'I wanted a wank over the washing machine but I got my balls caught in the soap drawer'.

The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic ballads. The bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody the manager has ever heard, 'And what's this called?' asks the manager 'As I **** you under the stars with the moonlight shining off your hairy ring-piece,' replies the bloke.

The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers him thejob on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of the customers.

This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night the bloke is playing away and sitting opposite him is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on. She's wearing an almost see through dress, her breasts are almost falling out the top of her black lace bra,and the skimpy little 'G' string she's wearing is doing very little to conceal her ample charms.

She's sitting there with her legs slightly open, sucking suggestively on asparagus shoots as the butter is dripping down her chin. The image is too much for the bloke and he scurries off to the bog to have a wank. He's tugging away furiously when he hears the manager's voice. 'Where's that bastard pianist?'

He just has time to relieve himself, and in a fluster he runs back to the piano having not bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and starts playing some more tunes.

The blonde steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your knob and bollocks are hanging out your trousers and dripping spunk on your shoes?'

The bloke replies 'Know it? I ****ing wrote it !'

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Only the very safe,
Can talk about wrong and right.
Of those that are forced to choose,
There's some who will choose to fight.