A JOKE--And it's just a joke, RELAX!

Nurse to patient: I'm sorry but due to budget cuts here at the hospital we no longer give enemas. I'm going to have to slap the shit out of you.....

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..and your point is?

Interesting facts:

The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.
The most common name in the world in Mohamed.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
All polar bears are left handed.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about 10.
China has more English speakers than the United States.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear any pants.
Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
No word in the English language rhymes with month.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 1930's lobbied against hemp farmers--they saw it as competition.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
Shakespeare invented the words 'assassination' and 'bump'.
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
A dentist invented the electric chair.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
The name Wendy was made up for the book 'Peter Pan'.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
The words racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

i love you.

The sheer beauty of it eludes me...

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Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

'Go' is shorter and is still considered a complete sentence, as the subject is directly implied and thus not needed.


That depends on how fast they're walking, obviously.


Most people have more than six toes. Marilyn Monroe had ten toes. There's been an internet rumor that she had a sixth toe on her left foot, which is patently untrue, and there's all kinds of photographic evidence to prove it.

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is snuggly

perhaps she had it removed? a bit of a stretch, but you're probably right. it was too good to be true.

Go to www.snopes.com and run a search for it, and then read what you find.

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is snuggly

Your skin makes me cry

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When Bucks Fizz’s tour bus crashed they all survived. When Metallica's bus crashed Cliff Burton died. Why?

You float like a feather, Mark.

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is snuggly

In a beautiful world...

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Negative infinity man.

Speak for yourself, I'm the most optimistic person I know. Cheer up though man, it's not all that bad

Well thank you.

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When Bucks Fizz’s tour bus crashed they all survived. When Metallica's bus crashed Cliff Burton died. Why?

I'm pretty sure I didn't hear this joke on this thread, but I'm not not going to trawl through 50 pages to find out,

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A chap was driving his car on the motorway, and was travelling substantially faster than the posted speed limit. Unfortunately he didn't see the police car with a radar gun on the side of the road until it was too late.

The police car immediately gave chase, and the chap decided he probably couldn't outrun them, so pulled over.

One of the policmen approached his window, and said "going a little fast there weren't you sir?"

"Yes but it's an emergency" the chap replied, "I'm late for work".

"and what do you do?" asked the policeman

"I'm an arse stretcher" the chap replied.

"And what, pray tell, does an arse stretcher do?" asked the policeman.

"Well" said the man, "first I insert a finger, then I insert two fingers, then four fingers, then an entire fist, then two fists, and then I stretch that arse until it's six feet wide".

"And what would someone do with a six foot arsehole?" asked the policeman.

"Give him a radar gun and put him on the side of the highway"

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Only the very safe,
Can talk about wrong and right.
Of those that are forced to choose,
There's some who will choose to fight.

I may have posted this one before but why is a lady's 'part' better than a policeman with a radar gun?

At least with the former, you know there's a c*nt hiding behind that bush

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When Bucks Fizz’s tour bus crashed they all survived. When Metallica's bus crashed Cliff Burton died. Why?

There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who do not.

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"And so I throw the windows wide
And call to you across the sky"