A JOKE--And it's just a joke, RELAX!

Simon · #**721** 04-08-2003, 06:35 PM

MURPHY'S LAWS OF COMBAT

1. You are not a superman.
2. If it's stupid but works, it's not stupid.
3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
4. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
5. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
6. Remember: Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
7. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
8. No plan survives the first contact intact.
9. All 5-second grenade fuses will burn out in 3.
10. Try to look unimportant. The enemy may be low on ammo.
11. If you are forward of your position the artillery will always fall short.
12. The important things are always simple.
13. The simple things are always hard.
14. The easy way is always mined.
15. If you are short of everything except enemy, you're in combat.
16. When you have secured an objective, don't forget to let the enemy know about it.
17. Incoming fire has the right of way.
18. If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU.
19. No combat ready unit ever passed inspection.
20. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.
21. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.
22. Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing.
23. Tracers work both ways.
24. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
25. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
26. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
27. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.
28. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.

fixxlevy · #**722** 05-04-2003, 12:40 AM

Mick Hucknall was arrested last night for having sex with an underage rabbit. Apparently, he was holding back the ears and the bunny was too tight to mention

fairjess · #**723** 05-04-2003, 12:45 AM

I don't know if this has been posted before or not, and I really don't want to have to check.

A friend sent me this, I know it's dumb, sorry.

What is the dumb thing at the end of a penis?

A man

Told you it was a stupid one.

Piper@Gates · #**724** 05-04-2003, 12:24 PM

I don't get it.

GeraldTheMouse · #**725** 05-04-2003, 01:39 PM

It would be a lot funnier if there was some other, more obvious answer, so that instead of 'Duh' the proper response might be one of surprise and laughter.

thorin13 · #**726** 05-04-2003, 03:24 PM

i still think the best "joke" was the very first one.

Simon · #**727** 05-04-2003, 06:03 PM

And the subsequent fracas...

fairjess · #**728** 05-04-2003, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by GeraldTheMouse
It would be a lot funnier if there was some other, more obvious answer, so that instead of 'Duh' the proper response might be one of surprise and laughter.

I know. That's why I warned you.

Piper@Gates · #**729** 05-04-2003, 10:46 PM

He doesn't get it either.

fixxlevy · #**730** 05-05-2003, 12:04 AM

Surely the Hucknall one dripped with distasteful genius?

Driven · #**731** 05-05-2003, 12:11 AM

It did...but from here:

http://www.rathergood.com/holding/

and here:

http://www.rathergood.com/bunny_too_tight/

fixxlevy · #**732** 05-05-2003, 12:15 AM

I actually received it from the UK in text form on my phone. Made flesh, it becomes an entirely more foul prospect!

Driven · #**733** 05-05-2003, 12:17 AM

I thought it was highly amusing with animation.

Cryptic_Angel · #**734** 05-05-2003, 12:17 AM

How do you get 1000 babies into a phone booth?

Blender.

How do you get them out?

Nacho chips.

Simon · #**735** 05-05-2003, 01:11 PM

A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. House is feminine "la maison". Pencil is masculine "le crayon". A student asked, "what gender is a computer?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups - male and female - and asked them to decide for themselves whether 'computer' should be masculine or feminine noun. Each group was asked to give 4 reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer) because:
1) No one but their creater understands their internal logic.
2) The native language that they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3) Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later review; and
4) As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on its accessories.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine (le computer) because:

1) In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2) They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3) They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problems; and
4) As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

So guys, what's your opinion?

I personally believe that computers are screwed either ways..

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A JOKE--And it's just a joke, RELAX!

Just babbling...