A JOKE--And it's just a joke, RELAX!

She'll tell you when she's damned good and ready to.

Fulghy -- you're right.

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Taking away from you for the greater good.

"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery".-- Winston Churchill

"Islam isn't in America to be equal to any other faith, but to become dominant" - Omar Ahmed, C.A.I.R.)

I have a sneaking suspicion it's Vera.

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It's a crime that the swift should be held back by the slow, and it's criminal that nothing is going to rectify it.

Nope!

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Taking away from you for the greater good.

"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery".-- Winston Churchill

"Islam isn't in America to be equal to any other faith, but to become dominant" - Omar Ahmed, C.A.I.R.)

It's Lunaticcc, see I'm good

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It's a crime that the swift should be held back by the slow, and it's criminal that nothing is going to rectify it.

I don't know if this would really qualify as a "joke", but I read it and it made me laugh.





A father enters his daughter's bedroom and sees a letter on the bed. With the worst premonition, he reads it, with trembling hands:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that
I have eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But it's not only that dad, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't
hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy pills we want. In the meantime, we'll pray for medical science to find the AIDS cure for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it. Don't worry dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit you so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter,




PS: Dad, it's not true. I'm over at the neighbour's house.
I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in
life than my school report card that's in my desk drawer ........... I love you

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Hi floor! Make me a sandwich!

Haha, that's a good one.

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That's all.
APFFN
Now you can see all the shit I listen to.
And you can fawn over my Myspace.

THE RABBIT



A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.


The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.


Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.


A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.


"I feel terrible," he explains. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."


The blonde says, "Don't worry."


She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.


The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw
at the two of them and hops off down the road.


Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.


The man is astonished. He runs over
to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on that rabbit?"


The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.


It says...



(Are you ready for this?)




(Are you sure?)





(This is bad!)






(It's definitely a Blonde Joke!)






(You can still delete it)





(You know you're gonna be sorry)





(Last chance)






(OK, here it is)





It says,







"Hair Spray -
Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."

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When Bucks Fizz’s tour bus crashed they all survived. When Metallica's bus crashed Cliff Burton died. Why?

How many Pink floyd fans does it take to change a lightbulb? 4 - 1 to storm off after arguing about it and three to keep it flickering till the electricity is switched back on.

What happens when a pathologist and a dead woman are in the same room?

- The pathologist gets laid and a free meal.

What are the advantages of being a pathologist?

- Money for nothing and chicks for free.

Blunt and obvious...

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I could use one.

Disturbing and creepy.

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When Bucks Fizz’s tour bus crashed they all survived. When Metallica's bus crashed Cliff Burton died. Why?

..you don't happen to be a pathologist...or a morgue attendant..do you?

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj7f3B1VCYM

Not that I'm aware of no...but if I were, I don't think a person that shares an experience related to your username would be fond of my treatment.

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I could use one.

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet". "Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget"

"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down is his tracks.

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree."

"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"

"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....




Ees





Ees...





"Ees, a Ham Bush"


( I take no credit for this, it's all down to Uncle Fixxy)

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj7f3B1VCYM

Religious jokes are to be banned apparently so heres one for the road....

Bill Gates dies and finds himself in front of god. "Well Bill I'm confused should I send you to heaven or hell? After all, you helped society by putting a computer in every home, yet Windows XP is a pain in the arse. I think you should make the choice!" First Bill tries hell. It's beautiful - clean, sandy beaches with clear waters and beautiful women frolicking in the sun.Bill's delighted "This is great" He tells god "I can't wait to see heaven!" Heaven's high in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. "I think I prefer hell," Bill tells god "Fine replies god,"Hell it is"Two weeks later god checks up on Bill to see how well hes doing. When god arrives in hell, he finds bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. Demons are torturing him."Hows it going bill?"God asks.Bill,his voice full of anguish, responds, "This is awful, its not what I expected. I can't believe this happened. What about the other place with the beaches and the beautiful women?"God says, "Oh that was the screensaver."

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I'm climb the hill in my own way.