A JOKE--And it's just a joke, RELAX!

Nice Organ aKa A little Misunderstanding......
"Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little shiny package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, recently moved to Texas. Ray has always
wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
Frustrated, Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different now??"
Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Ray yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN,BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!!"
To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat."

KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO?

Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grand kids
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, leave Your Money)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Are Real Good
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's(For Most Tax Brackets)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Little Else
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nevada: Hookers and Poker!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To an Attorney.. & if we talk to fast fer ya.. record it..listen to it later
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tennessee: The Educashun State
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vermont: Yep
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington, D.C .: Wanna Be Mayor?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared!

should read

Vermont: 99% Lefty moonbats

Santa Singh has to go to a dinner party;so he starts dressing up.He puts on his shirt on,then the tie,and the suit....pulls up the socks ,puts on the shoes but forgets to wear the pant & underwear.As he turns his back to the mirror and bends to tie his shoe lace---He starts getting massive erection!!! So he straightens up and turns back to face the mirror; and lo his mojo gets flaccid....Now he sees that he's not wearing any undie or pants;he shrugs that and turns his back again to the mirror and leans down to tie his laces....again he gets the erection!!! ....so he peeks thru in between his legs to see the mirror."Oh!" he exclaims ( seeing his buck naked bottom in full moon in the mirror);says to his wee-wee ;"Oye,calm down ;its mine !!"!!!

ps :get it=calm down ...its mine arse,not someone elses)

Uh... jokes are not funny when you explain them.

i was only helping your dyslexic heart.

A rapist, a monk, and two amish carpenters walk into a bar and the bartender says, "what is this..some kinda joke?"

Guess what?












Chicken butt!

I'm so funny I feel like shooting myself.

I'm sure that you're not exactly at the head of the queue

I can't belive this thread still has life....

Thank Jeb Bush/Christian values

Oii!,you mean you didnt see the transparent see through respirator & the electrodes attached?Of course how could you...all you see is "YELLOW";and this thread has been featured in Ripley's BIONot :when they showed the N.D.E./Out Of Body Exp. performed by the thread....99 % viewers fainted seeing it!!But for (God bless his Sole) if it wasnt for a sole samaritan who'se dying for their sins who transported at every viewers couch and blew his breath into thier mouth;Lo behold miracle !! All were revived ;see how much garlic breath is good for you.

TC, are you a James Joyce fan?

Is he really genius or is he just pretending?