A JOKE--And it's just a joke, RELAX!

Chill pills all round!

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When Bucks Fizz’s tour bus crashed they all survived. When Metallica's bus crashed Cliff Burton died. Why?

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"Music Is Good."

I already put a wacky answer like that.

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That's all.
APFFN
Now you can see all the shit I listen to.
And you can fawn over my Myspace.

I know.

I put another one.

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stchrissie is not me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5fsirKgyR4

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"The sound of music in my ears"

“The great error of earlier ethics is that it conceived itself as concerned only with the relations of man to man." - Albert Schweitzer

this is so groovy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyT5ciFNGOs

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj7f3B1VCYM

That'll do it.

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That's all.
APFFN
Now you can see all the shit I listen to.
And you can fawn over my Myspace.

Three co-workers were carpooling home after a wild Christmas party at the office. All were "well-lubricated", which, unfortunately, led to the driver's decision to race a train to the crossing.

The three found themselves cowering nervously before St. Peter's steely gaze at the Pearly Gates, feeling a bit embarrassed about their demise.

Look, said St Pete after an uncomfortable silence, since it's Christmas eve, I'll give you guys a break. Show me you have the Christmas spirit, and I'll let you in.

After a few minutes of foot shuffling and exchanging glances, the first guy suddenly pulled out his cigarette lighter, lit it, and held it aloft. "Christmas candles" he said.

St Pete rolled his eyes and said, OK, go on in.

The second guy, now inspired, pulled out his car keys and jingled them.
"Bells!" he said.

St. Pete groaned to himself, but motioned him in.

The third guy, felt through his pockets. He pulled out a pair of ladies panties and held them up.

"Carol's!"

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Taking away from you for the greater good. (The Audacity of Socialism).

"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery".-- Winston Churchill

"Islam isn't in America to be equal to any other faith, but to become dominant" - Omar Ahmad (founder, C.A.I.R.)

Why is Santa always so Jolly ?????

Because he has the list with all the naughty girls on it..

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I have always been here.
I have always looked out from behind these eyes.

Dearie me Fulghum, that was hysterical!


Oh by the way, I see you are now giving free guitar lessons on the internet.

http://www.livevideo.com/video/F2D17...ssons+com.aspx

I notice that you've lost a bit of weight, but I love the new hairstyle.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj7f3B1VCYM

Glad you enjoyed it. Like my new glasses?

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I have always been here.
I have always looked out from behind these eyes.

a dick is the unluckiest thing on the planet...
it has an eye,but,can't see..
it has a head,but,no brains...
it has 3 neighbors...
2 are nuts...
and 1 is an asshole...

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Who was born in a house full of pain
Who was trained not to spit in the fan
Who was told what to do by the man
Who was broken by trained personnel
Who was fitted with collar and chain
Who was given a pat on the back
Who was breaking away from the pack
Who was only a stranger at home
Who was ground down in the end
Who was found dead on the phone
Who was dragged down by the stone

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Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

I'm not responsible for any of these:

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
"**** me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"

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The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

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How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

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There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

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A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

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There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "**** YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer **** you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

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This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

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This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!".

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A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"

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A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

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A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"


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One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."

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A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "That’s a good piece of fir." "Correct,” says the manager, “now try this one." "That’s a bad piece of willow," says the blind man. "Correct," answers the manager.
With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. "I'm confused,” says the blind man, “Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. The blind man says, "Oh, you’re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It’s the shit house door off a tuna boat!"

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When Bucks Fizz’s tour bus crashed they all survived. When Metallica's bus crashed Cliff Burton died. Why?