A JOKE--And it's just a joke, RELAX!

Simon, it probably didn't drive you crazy because you, like me, heard it before.

Gerald, I'll take her word for it, I have no desire to drive a man wild, or nibble on his ears.

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stchrissie is not me.

You mean nuts ofcourse...

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Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

A guy walks in to a bathroom to do his buisness when no sooner had he stepped up to the urnal that another man walked into the bathroom. the guy imediatly noticed that the man had no arms. the man walks up to the urnal next to the guy and just stands there and wiggles a little like he has to go to the bathroom real bad. after a few seconds the man turns to the guy and says,"Can you help me out, you see i have no arms and i cant undo my pants. Do you think you could?" The guy looks at him and figures why not. so he undos the guys pants and is about to get to his buisness when he sees the man yet again dancing around. the man turnes to him and says,"Do you think you could help me again, you see i still have no arms and i cant really take it out , could you help me out?" the man more reluctant this time thinks and says well he does have no arms i guess i could help him out. the guy pulls it out and it is nasty and all full of sores and warts and just gross stuff. the guys just leaves him to his peeing and goes on with his. he finishes and yet again the man is just standing there so he just helps him put his junk away. The guy goes and vigorusly washes his hands. as he is walking out of the bathroom he turnes to look at the man and he unzipping his jacket and taking his arms out. Engraged the guy yells,"Hey you have arms!"
The man says ,"Yea but you saw that thing i didnt want to touch it!"

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I LOST MY MIND AT THE GATES......CAN U HELP ME FIND IT?

When it comes to charity, most people will stop at nothing.

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is snuggly

Urnal

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When Bucks Fizz’s tour bus crashed they all survived. When Metallica's bus crashed Cliff Burton died. Why?

Three leprechauns decide that they are going to be in the Guiness Book of World Records. The first decides that he will go in for the smallest hands. The second for the smallest feet and the third for the smallest penis.

The first goes into the headquarters of Guiness and after an hour comes back out and says, "Yay!! I am in."

The second goes into the Guiness headquarters and after an hour comes back out and says, "Yay!! I got in."

The third goes into the Guiness headquarters and comes back out immediately. The other two asked him what happened and he replies, "Who the **** is Gerald the Mouse, anyway?"

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stchrissie is not me.

I'd like to know the same thing. That asshole.

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is snuggly

Apparently, this was voted the best e-mail joke in Australia in 2001.

After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis.

They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together. Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.

Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heatwave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but in his haste he made an error in the e-mail address.

His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly preacher's wife whose even older husband had died only the day before. When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead. Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:


Dearest wife,
Departed yesterday as you know.
Just got checked in.
Some confusion at the gate.
Appeal was denied.
Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow.
Your loving husband.

** P.S. Things are not as we thought. You're going to be surprised how hot it is down here.

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Count me in on the journey, don't expect me to stay.

Spam filters save lives!

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is snuggly

I love this nifty little trick. Try it

try www.google.de and click on "Auf gut Glück" after typing "weapons of mass destruction"

Also try: New York Times 404 page!http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/blair.html

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Work in the ER is a mix of can do, can't do and "sure, what the hell..."

Watch my videos

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism
Website where World-wide visitors could post questions... Obviously the
answers came from a fellow Aussie.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so
how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact
for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list
of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q. Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell
me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake
serum. USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum
trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated
while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

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Only the very safe,
Can talk about wrong and right.
Of those that are forced to choose,
There's some who will choose to fight.

Priceless!

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Count me in on the journey, don't expect me to stay.

So.....

If someone put the following songs on one album....

Burning Bridges
The Gold it's in the...
Wot's ..uh the deal
Childhoods End
Free Four
Stay
Atom Heart Mother
If
Summer '68
Fat Old Sun


Would you call it........

Obscured by Cows?

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I have always been here.
I have always looked out from behind these eyes.

probably not.