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The Pain Within

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  #1  
Old 12-12-2004, 02:25 AM
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Mary Whitehouse Mary Whitehouse is offline
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The Pain Within

As I lie here, with the rain falling on my face
I dream of someone so far away
With outstretched hand I reach to her
Reach to pull her close
Close enough to feel the softness of her hair against my face
But the weight within is heavy, holding me down
Pinning my body to the soaked earth
I hear you calling
Calling my name from afar
I listen close but it seems to fade until all I hear is rain
The bright lights flicker, and dim until there is only darkness
A darkness as black as space
I call out to you
“Don’t forget me….don’t forget me”
The air is so cold…so cold
I lie still and take only shallow breaths
In hopes of hearing your voice again
But nothing comes
Nothing but darkness surrounds me…
And the air is so cold…so cold
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Old 01-08-2005, 03:32 AM
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Re: The Pain Within

Looks like no one wanted to comment...well, I will then.

It's a bit awkward at parts, but not horribly so. A little pruning can be done.

Otherwise, I think it's touching. In fact, I can really relate to it lately...
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Old 01-08-2005, 04:38 AM
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Re: The Pain Within

I liked it!
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Old 01-08-2005, 09:25 AM
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Re: The Pain Within

amazing.....and deep

do you have anymore to share
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