Top Tips

Women drivers. Draw a little diagram on a Post-it note showing the position of the hand brake and gearstick, and stick it to your dashboard. This will save you having to look for them when the lights go green.

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The world's gone mad
And I have lost touch
I shouldn't admit it
But I have


My Lastfm Page

Also, add "Green = GO. NOW!"

Oh, and ladies, if you adjust that little makeup mirror on the windshield just so, you can see behind you!

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Taking away from you for the greater good.

"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery".-- Winston Churchill

"Islam isn't in America to be equal to any other faith, but to become dominant" - Omar Ahmed, C.A.I.R.)

When a friend says to you; "would you like to smell my pants?" -kindly refuse

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Evidence it once exist
At some point in time
But with no visible proof
It was ever really there...

Accept any and all offers of free booze no matter whence they originate.

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what do you teach your children about me?
what do you teach your little children about me?
pimp, thug, bling drug lord of the undergrounded kings
how can you be so sure i won't call down the rain?
what do you teach your little children about me?
you point your gun, wait, hide and run. i see it plain

And never complain about the quality of free beer. That's one that I tend to break.

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That's all.
APFFN
Now you can see all the shit I listen to.
And you can fawn over my Myspace.

TAME budgies and parrots easily by replacing their grit with iron filings. By holding a large magnet, they will sit hapilly on your hand for hours.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj7f3B1VCYM

FLATMATES. Take a picture of yourself naked and looking surprised and pin it on your bathroom door. That way if anyone bursts in on you they won't get a shocking surprise.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj7f3B1VCYM

Today's five dollar word: whence (= from where)

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Count me in on the journey, don't expect me to stay.

I still use 'whence' in conversations? Is it considered bad form? You've got me in the mood to have a good rant about the lack of correct grammar and poor enunciation .

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj7f3B1VCYM

Don't get me started.

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"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

Solo work

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Who was born in a house full of pain
Who was trained not to spit in the fan
Who was told what to do by the man
Who was broken by trained personnel
Who was fitted with collar and chain
Who was given a pat on the back
Who was breaking away from the pack
Who was only a stranger at home
Who was ground down in the end
Who was found dead on the phone
Who was dragged down by the stone

Create your own sauna by climbing naked into a wardrobe with a couple of strangers, occasionally throwing water over a one bar electric fire.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj7f3B1VCYM

What? You can't get anyone you actually know to do that with you?

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Activist != Expert.

Here's a tip. Stay the fook outta me yard if ya want ta keep ya frisbees.

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One eyed, one horned