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Short Story...Enjoy

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  #1  
Old 01-06-2005, 02:58 PM
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Bowen Bowen is offline
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Short Story...Enjoy

My Weeping Willow

The rain stopped as I turned into the street that went up through the vineyard of Valparaiso. The grapes had just been picked and the fall wind blew through the naked trees. There was a notion in the sky that a storm was approaching. Dark clouds ahead were forming as giant loads of black ash that had been dropped down from heaven in a scattered formation. It reminded me of my youth, when I used to lay on my back looking up at the sky trying to picture what I thought the clouds looked like. The air conditioning in my van had been broken for the past month due to too many little kids being left alone in the car. The heat cast a thin layer of sweat on my cheeks, and I started to feel a bit of hot moisture trickle down my spine. The humidity was beginning to become unbearable, so I took a sip of my warm water and just continued driving.
The screaming from the back of the car had increased into a sort of high pitch screech that brought chills to my chest. It sounded like someone was in a steakhouse eating a nice sirloin and the knife pulsed through and made the loud haunting screech from the knife gliding across the tile of the plate. It made your ears sting in pain and your heart stop for a momentary lapse of time. But the noise in my head controlled me, made me ignore him, for he was right. What I was doing was absolutely necessary; this just had to be done. So I sped up and continued driving as I listened to Zeppelin blaring on the radio.
The one who I had seized to teach a lesson was the one who deserved everything he was about to receive. For he had harmed the one I loved and caused great stress upon her. He had been the one who hurt her without a cause and didn’t even think or feel his own guilt. He was the most cold hearted person in this lifetime and he had done the same deed again, but not to my love. It was brought to my attention that he had hurt again, another weeping willow such as my love. So he’s here with me, screaming out for help, realizing how it feels, and getting a taste of his own horror that he distributes. I began to feel a bit scared of myself for a second, but then I reacquainted my head with the incident he had done and it brought me back to my own miserable, haunting self.
The noises in my head were becoming more intelligent as I thought through this more and more. It felt like water pipes on the brink of combustion due to too much water filling in them. I turned into the meadow which I had been searching for and slowed down for the road had ended. I listened as I trampled along the grass bouncing up and down hearing my cargo cry out louder.
The breaks screeched as I stopped and turned off the engine. I left the head light running though; so I could see my path. I opened my door and stepped out, set my feet down against the wet ground, rain was coming and I was looking forward to it. Rain is a beautiful thing, it makes the trees and plants grow faster, providing us with more oxygen. I walked to the back of my car, pushed the button on my keys and the trunk popped open. There he lay drenched in sweat, blood and tears that he had created himself through his life, from his ravishing behavior, not from me. I tried to help him out nicely but he didn’t agree with me, he had to show his personality and be difficult and try to fight me off kicking and screaming. So I just vigorously beat him over and over like I was trying to get a nail to go through concrete. He finally realized that he wasn’t going to win so he stopped kicking a laid there.
I dragged his body out of the trunk, and he fell to the ground like a wet rag. He had been knocked unconscious from the vicious blows to his head he was suffering from. But as I dragged him by his feet his head would hit every bump in the ground causing him to wake from his little nap. This brought a joy to my face because I wanted him to be awake for what was about to come. He moaned from the pain he was feeling in his head, but I didn’t listen for my mind was not set on what he felt. It was in a place where I was God and what I say will go and what I do is taken to motion immediately, where I have the power to give and take life. The noises were still there in my head and were guiding me along the path I had planned on taking.
I picked him up and threw him into a small ditch for where he would stay, while I went to go do my work. He tried to get up only once but he felt a cold hard metal object hit him flush across his face, knocking him back into the hole. He lay there without any movement but with his eyes wide open, piercing at my heart like a dagger that was meant to kill a monster without a cause. I thought to myself, am I a monster? I thought deeper, I am a monster but I have a cause and there isn’t anything in this lifetime or the next that is going to persuade me not to do this, so I continued.
I began to dig next to him; he was in such pain that I knew that he was not even going to try to do anything to get away from me. I went back to my van, pacing myself backwards to make sure that he wasn’t going to try to get up. I pulled out a long skinny wooden box out that had been handcrafted by me for months. It was my pride and joy and I had made it for this special occasion. I carried it back to where he lay like a pathetic piece of waste that was to be swept off into a dumpster. I threw the box down in front of him and his eyes widened and he let out a shrill cry that even frightened the noises in my head.
But I simply walked towards him and grabbed him. He fought with every last nerve he had, but he was ant to me. For I was a God in my mind and nothing could stop me. I picked him up listening to him yell for help; then I threw him in the box and shouted right back at him with a much louder and hellish voice. Then I spoke to him “Who is going to hear you, it’s just you and me,” I paused as he yelled one more time, “Why are you screaming…Aren’t you having fun yet.” He looked at me confused and frightened.
He spoke in a crying, winy, and whimpering tone saying “Why are you doing this to me, I haven’t done anything wrong, why are you doing this.” He continued crying and sobbing.
I smiled at him and reached for my back pocket and pulled out a picture. For it was a picture of the one I love, I showed it to him and spoke. “Do you know who this is?” He looked at it with open eyes and he cringed. For I could tell in his eyes that he knew who it was, he now knew who I was and most of all he now knew why I was doing this to him. Then he tried to get out of the box but I just held him down with little strength for he was a pathetic ant to me. Then I hit him vigorously with the metal object I held in my hand until he was unconscious.
I placed a piece of wood over him and nailed it securely shut to the box, and then I started pounding on the box for him to wake up. I started to hear him cry then scream, kicking and clawing at the box, but he wasn’t getting out. I pushed the box into the ditch then I had built just momentarily, and then I slowly poured the dirt over the box filling the hole. He continued scratching with his weak arms and screaming in his pathetic voice. But I didn’t care or feel any pity for him, I continued putting dirt in the hole until it was just about full then I stopped and went to my van. I got a weeping willow out of the back seat and walked back to the hole. I placed it in what was left of the hole and finished piling the dirt on it until the willow was secure.
I finished everything up got in my car and drove away listening to some Zeppelin on the radio. I drove through the night with the corners of my mouth high up on my face, for I felt like I was a God who is here on earth. I went to my loves house to see her and spoke to her. “I love you and nothing is ever going to happen to you, I promise.” She smiled at me, then she hugged me and I gave her a kiss, for she has no idea of what I have done and she will never know. I raised my head and looked outside and smiled for it was beginning to rain.



its a little long....but read it and tell me what you think

thanks
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  #2  
Old 01-06-2005, 03:41 PM
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Re: Short Story...Enjoy

Nice.
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  #3  
Old 01-06-2005, 04:16 PM
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Re: Short Story...Enjoy

gracias
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  #4  
Old 02-21-2005, 08:54 PM
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littlerocker10 littlerocker10 is offline
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Re: Short Story...Enjoy

Iv got one im makeing this up while I go so its gunna be bad: There was a man he hated his life he tacks drugs and smokes one day while in a movie thearter he was laying there and some how he coldent talk move blink but he was still alive and 2 hours after the movie was over a man came to help him but he dident know whut to do so he called the police and they gave him some shots but nothing helped him so they tuke him to the hospital but the docters culdent kill him cuse they dident want to be sude so he was sitting in a room thinking his life he went crazy brething fast and faster till in his mind he was screeming and a screem so lowd came out of his mouth but the screem killed his lunges and he culdent brethe and no docters culd here him and he died slowly and painfuly right before he died he saw him self and cept saying over and over agin "what have I done""what have I done""what have I done"slowly fadding and slowly dieing in pain and misory of his life and whut he culd of done if he culd go back in time and live once more......
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Last edited by littlerocker10 : 02-21-2005 at 08:59 PM.
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  #5  
Old 02-21-2005, 08:57 PM
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CerpinTaxt CerpinTaxt is offline
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Re: Short Story...Enjoy

Quote:
Originally posted by littlerocker10
Iv got one im makeing this up while I go so its gunna be bad: There was a man in the year 3095 he hated his life he tacks drugs and smokes on day will in a movie thearter he was laying there and some how he coldent talk move blink but he was still alive and 2 hours after the movie was over a man came to help him but he dident know whut to do so he called the police and they gave him some shots but nothing helped him so they tuke him to the hospital but the docters culdent kill him so he was sitting in a room thinking his life he went crazy brething fast and faster till in his mind he was screeming and a screem so lowd came out of his mouth but the screem killed his lunges and he culdent breath and no docters culd here him and he died slowly and painfuly right befor he died he saw him self and cept saying over and over agin "what have I done""what have I done""what have I done"slowly fadding and slowly dieing in pain and misory of his life and wht he culd of done if he culd go back in time and live.





I'm sorry man, that was just my initial reaction. It's ok if you respell it and place it in the year 2020 or something. 3095 is pretty far-fetched. We might not even have lungs by that time.
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  #6  
Old 02-21-2005, 08:59 PM
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P1NK F10YD P1NK F10YD is offline
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Re: Short Story...Enjoy

It was a good story. Nice job!
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  #7  
Old 02-21-2005, 09:28 PM
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Re: Short Story...Enjoy

Quote:
Originally posted by CerpinTaxt


I'm sorry man, that was just my initial reaction. It's ok if you respell it and place it in the year 2020 or something. 3095 is pretty far-fetched. We might not even have lungs by that time.


He didn't put any dates on when it took place
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  #8  
Old 03-28-2005, 05:07 PM
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Re: Short Story...Enjoy

Bowen, nice story.
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  #9  
Old 03-28-2005, 07:13 PM
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Re: Short Story...Enjoy

one of the longest sentences ive seen in a while
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  #10  
Old 03-29-2005, 01:27 AM
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Re: Short Story...Enjoy

Read more David Foster Wallace.
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