a good poem I think (tell me what you think)

ouch....no one commented......sorry

well i think that it is amazing

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Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all conscious of ourselves subjectivly,life is only a dream and we're just imaginations of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.

well, thanx!

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Hey, why don't you.....

Damn.........that's awesome. It's more of a rant than a poem but still, I freaking love it..

Oh yeah, and you should delete that last line. It's kind of cliche for the poet to come to the realization that he/she is the one he/she has been describing. If it ended "could this be..that i am..." that would be freaking powerful.

not too shabby

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Have a good time, all the time. Always eat the worm.

well, thanx guys. glad you took the time to read my poetry!

-cindy

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Hey, why don't you.....

i really like it, i think it could be improved if you leave the reader some space to interpret the theme more

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let me illustrate

i have a poem...well actually its a song but i was woundering if it was ok if i put it here. is that ok cindy1222?

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ég gaf ykkur von sem varð að vonbrigðum.. þetta er ágætis byrjun

I have waited long enough im putting it on......here is my poem/song....
Its called Boy or Man?

I wish I could fly
And not see people crying
For all that I see are people dying
But all that we need to do is stop the killing
We all want a life that is filled with peace
All we need to do is cease

We are coming down a tunnel and I can see the light
That will uncover the secrets dark as night
But I can’t fly
And I will not cry
I will go to a place where I can just die
Where I can get away from all of these lies
I would get away from the man I despise
I will not just stand
I will leave the man that needs to hold his fathers hand
While walking through the door
Just staring at the floor
For he is the one who said ambush
And his name is Bush
But he is not the boy or the man
He is just a wrong hand

*Chorus*
For he still is just a boy
Only a boy with a toy
But he is a man
He is the man who broke our hand
*Chorus*

Don’t deny
You know they’re all lies
Just look into his stone cold eyes
And all that you’ll see is a boy cry
For he has no care
And he just cannot bear
That his own father is right
So he keeps all the secrets in the dark night

There once was a time
When you could get the truth for a dime
But now we grow dumb
For all we learn is how to bang on a drum
But we shouldn’t take it out on the boy
He is only the toy
But the man we can still blame
For all the shame
He has cause to us
For now we have to take the bus
And drive it to the white house
And see the mouse who is playing with his toy

*Chorus*

He sent all the people from our nation
To kill other people who are filled with confusion
He said Saddam was a threat
But Bush was the one who kept
All the secrets from us
But we will survive with lust
And bust
The man who started this war
We will hit him with a bar
FOR HE WILL TWITCH IN PAIN
And the rain will cease
Cause the we now have peace

So what did ya think??

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ég gaf ykkur von sem varð að vonbrigðum.. þetta er ágætis byrjun

this god you speak of,
with his vision compromised by his
tears,
would that be the same
god
that created the
world
and the sky
and the most beautiful
sunset
you've ever seen?
and babies?
and dreams?
seems this life of our's
is a compromise.
some distort it
and even try to convince
anyone who will listen
that their distorted vision is
reality;
and pain is maybe some gift
designed to make us
stronger.
maybe the pain does make
us stronger,
but why do they
force
they're perception on
us.
if there is a god,
then it seems we've
been given a precious
gift...free will
and if pain comes with the
package
then so be it!
but i'll agree that
maybe the priest should
die,
but only if his death
releases a vulnerable ear
from the vacuum of his zeal
and allows it to hear the
truth of life
as it swells, ebbs and flows,
stagnates, rots and putrifies,
and unfolds before us
to become the reality
that we perceive it to be.

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inside me I feel alone and unreal

i like it.

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ég gaf ykkur von sem varð að vonbrigðum.. þetta er ágætis byrjun