Here's one that isn't as bad

I've been on a poem writing schpeel since I posted that last one. I decided I didn't care for it much, and could probably do much better. It was rather stale and redundant. But this one is a touch or two better (I think/hope). Enjoy.
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Talking to you
I become small
Talking to you
I almost lose hope

Pathetic, aren't I?
Against all logic and reasoning
I hang onto this final thread
This thread I've wound so tight
Kicked and screamed to hang onto

But is the thread even there?
The thread I need so desperately?
My grip is slipping...

The thread--
I can't feel it in my hands anymore.

-Llowell

It's the best one you've written so far.

You're kind of spitting in the face of Literary history by calling these poems.

I'd like to see you write something better.

We've been over this...

Yes. You've put up your "poem" and you've been told that it isn't very good, but in a constructive, polite manner. I've yet to see you do that for me.

I liked it! Keep going.

i liked it and i can kind of relate with the feeling im assuming you have put into these poems, but then again it's the whole death of the author thing

I don't know man, I suppose I have some sort of chip on my shoulder against you that may sway my judgements to the negative end of the spectrum, but I'm trying to be as honest as I can. Surely I could be more nice about it, but what fun would that be? heh. Honestly man I don't hate you or anything, and I don't think your poems are all bad.

I would like to publicly apologize to oomt for any offense I may have caused him. I have acted immaturely in my dealings with this fine young man, and I'd just like to say I am sorry dude!! I really don't like having enemies, even if it is just words on a screen.

And about your poem..I can feel the idea your trying to convey about the thread, but the way it's worded just sounds kind of corny to me. Being too blunt with a metaphor can kind of kill the mystery of it. And if there's one thing that applies to all your poems it's that they don't rhyme. Not all poems have to rhyme but I think you could do a good job with it if you tried.

I appreciate that. I too appologize for any past transgressions we've had.

And on your metaphor comment: I try to stay away from becoming too colorful with my metaphors...I think the worst poems are the ones that leave you saying "What the hell was that?" Then again, the best are the ones that can paint a picture with metaphors and imagery, and get their message across. I'm just not at that level with my poem writing ability yet. I appreciate the comment nonetheless.

And thanks to the rest of you! An ego boost here an there never did harm to me

Wow, the day has finally come that Joey and Llowey are getting along.

I like that poem. Keep up the good work.
Although... A little constructive criticism?
You started with a four point pattern

da da da da
da da da da

But then you strayed away from it...
Any particular reason?
I mean no offense, I mean
Your style is your style.

It is a good poem though

Hey thanks...man I forgot about this one. Yeah, I dunno...it was sort of stream-of-consciousness, so it's not structured very well. Reading it again, I don't like it so much, hah.