The Dark Side of the Spoon

Hey. A while ago when I had to enter a username for a program I had installed I did Dark Side of the Spoon. Then recently when I was listening to Brain Damage my brain sang along and:

And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the spoon.

Having no work to do or anything else at the time, I decided to alter the lyrics to be spoon related. Realising how difficult this was I broadened the scope to simply food and what has emerged so far is an anti-obesity theme. I stopped at Us and Them because it was hard to change those lyrics and haven't revisited it yet, but here is what I have so far. I am also yet to revise them to make sure they rhyme/sound like the original.

Note: I have no musical training/ability and this is just a joke, obviously. Albeit an unfunny one...

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Eat
Eat till you fill
Don't be afraid of the bill

Sweet
Sweet and sour
Look that way, find the buffet

How many pies you like
And pies you taste
The icecream alike
And roasts you'll baste
All you order and all you take
Is all the food you'll ever make

Run, fatty run
Reach McDonalds, and fill your tum tum
And when you're full and return to your mum
Beware of the diet, don't let her give you another one

For long you eat, and short you live
But only if you shoot the fruit
Riding an unbalanced diet wave
You race towards an early grave

Taking away, the leftovers that make up the next morning
You fritter and wasted the rice you gave up for a chicken wing
Licking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Looking for someone or something to show you an onion ring

Tired of eating all the health food, while your friends get tooth decay
You are young and thin and slim, there is oil to drink today
And then one day you find, ten pounds have gone behind you
No one told you to exercise and run, now you are the fat one

So you wait and you wait to lose the weight but it's staying
Sneaking up on your heart to give you a cardiac arrest
Your bum is the same, in a relative way but you're fatter
Shorter of breath and one big mac away from death

Every finger's getting shorter never seem to reach your toes
Plans that either come to naught or half a pound of fasting woes
Hanging on in blubbering desperation is the obese way
The time has come, the song is over
Thought I'd something more to satay

Honey, get a heap
Get a good hive with good bees and
you're sweet
Honey, it's like sugar
Grab that jar with both hands and
spread it far
Bread, fruit, tomato soup, I don't care,
It just tastes so good everywhere

Honey, get back
I'm all right Jive keep your hands off of
my bee-hive
Honey, take a sip
Don't give me that fatty fat fat
bullshit
I'm a highly morbidly obese
white man
I'm gonna go eat a leg of ham

Honey, it's a crime
Don't share it fairly I want the whole
of the pie
Honey, so they say
Is the root of the obesity epidemic today
But if you ask for a supersize it's no surprise
They're eager to give them away

Us, and them
And after all, we're only slighter heavier men
Me, and you
God only knows,
Forward, he cried, from the window
and they moved up the drive thru
And the Colonel sat and the grease
Moved from him to you

THIS IS WHERE I GAVE UP
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I won't blame you if you have at this point ripped your eyes out of their sockets and thrown up onto your keyboard, lol. Feel free to add your own lyrics/track me down and murder me, heh.

omg u crazy fabulous person!!

Are you in any way related to Fletch perchance?

I love it... Infact I think I may love you....

I think this may be Fletch's alter ego. Lets wait and see if he mentions his beautiful balloon.

Brilliantly done.
Here's my quick addition for Eclipse:

All that you touch and all that you see
all that you taste, all a meal
and all that you bake and all that you seer
all you soufflet, all you baste
and all that you seive and all that you peal
and all that you buy, beg, borrow or steal
and all you buffet and all you takeout
and all that you stew and all that you roast
and all that you eat, with brocoli and meat
and all you should halve but everyone can starve
and all that is fresh and all that is ripe
and pain that's to come cause everything under the grill is in tune
but your heart is betrayed by the spoon

There's no dark side of the spoon really...
Not until you eat it.


Only had an hour for lunch. Feel free to improve the lyrics.

Haha wonderful!

lol, that is great. It sounds great if you sing along the new lyrics with the song. My favourite bit is the "and all that you eat, with brocoli and meat" line. Well done. Feel free to improve the other lyrics too.

And unless I am his secret love child or something, I have no idea who this Fletch fellow is.

That's a pity... You may be guilty of trademark violation.

And while I don't think he has an attorney, he does own a nuclear reactor.

I hope he doesn't go Roger Waters on my ass.

this could be the fletcher memorial home??
Thie lunatics are on the net!!!

Here's my re-edition of Brain Damage.

The lowly lamb is on the grass
The lowly lamb is on the grass
The sobering skies and wire fence and gate
Got to keep the lambies blind to fate

The lowly lamb is in the steel
The lowly lambs are in the steel
The bleating stops with bloodied faces to the floor
And every day the laden truck brings more

And if the pork chops rotted many years too soon
And if there is no beef within your stew
And if your head explodes with vegetarian soup
I'll see you on the dark side of the spoon

The lowly lamb is in my head
The lowly lamb is in my head
You slice the Pink, you cut so quick
You feed me cutlets till I'm sick
You chew the fat and take away the dreams
There's silence in my head amid the screams

And if the dog yelps, murder in your ear
Pig flies and no one seems to care
And if the band you're in starts playing with red balloons
I'll see you on the dark side of the spoon

Run fatty run
this is the best line.

Please touch my nipples

Totally agreed. Very funny.